(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 10:23 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 My throat hurts and I'm Tired, but I had a good day. Work was boring, cats are good. Tomorrow Sparkly's team is relocating from just-south-of-Jacksonville to actually-in-Jacksonville. Ey seems to be getting along well with eir boss, which is wonderful. 

Abbreviated freshers' week

Sep. 20th, 2017 03:48 pm
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath
Somehow all my freshers' week stuff was mostly crammed into three days, which is kind of nice since I'm done with it now, which gives me time for volunteering orientation, a passport interview, a doctor's appointment, and a weekend of being in Yorkshire because of Thought Bubble.

Overall it's gone pretty well. I was nervous of feeling out of place but I really haven't. Everyone's been nice and neither I nor anyone else has called attention to me being twice their age (though I have felt it, especially since I keep coming home and taking naps, and they've been going out every night according to scraps of overheard conversation).

I've done all the bureaucracy: enrolled on everything (except my language, working on that), got my student card, met my advisor, peppered my department's admin with questions...I've been to welcome talks and figured out where some of the rooms in the rabbit warren that is the building I'll be spending most of my time in.

I've made a friend! I went to this divisional "party" thing on Monday, which is where you stand in an echoy room with a bunch of other people standing inexplicably close together. This was on Monday so I was at my most self-conscious and sure no one would talk to me, but she just walked right up and did. She's called Kitty...well, she's not because she's Chinese and can't expect people to say her name. But she told it to me, Weijia, and I said it back to her and she said my pronunciation was good but I can't remember it now! She turned up in the group meeting with our advisor today, and we were happy to see each other.

I had my introductory meeting with disability services yesterday, too. Which was great, but kind of weird. I left it convinced that if I'd had even half that support when I first went to college, I wouldn't have to be trying again now. At the time I was still firmly of the belief that I wasn't mentally ill, I was just rubbish. So much of that could have been different.

But then if it was I might not have written so much that Andrew saw on LiveJournal and he wouldn't have been able to identify with me as much as he did and maybe wouldn't have wanted to talk to me and I certainly wouldn't have visited him here if my life had stayed on the track it was supposed to be on. Things would be so different down the other leg of the trousers of time that it doesn't bear thinking about.

Everyday stuff

Sep. 19th, 2017 10:22 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 I did a lot of work today and my brain is very tired. Oh, I should mention, though- Sparkly got a confirmed ~demobilization date~ for when ey's coming home: October 10th. 

I'm fat and its killing me

Sep. 19th, 2017 11:40 am
ikneko: (Yuki)
[personal profile] ikneko
So he called me by my weight.

This is why I [word-verb] around the idea of getting a scale at home. The idea that I have to consciously watch what I eat and now workout coupled with the absolute deprivation of my privacy, and now being guilted by my body weight to do menial tasks and chores really came through as more than just my restless thoughts, it is reality now.

He truly does this and it bothers me.

We have had the scale for about a week and earlier he called me by my weight number to do the dishes.

Literally: "Hey ###"

I wanted to vomit. I've never been so humiliated and distraught. I couldn't even get angry at how he treated me. So with now knowing my weight, putting myself on a strict diet, eating three times a day, and working out at least three times a week, he's trying to do the same. It isn't to make himself feel or look better, it's simply because he sees me doing it. My partner/Tumor has a "Monkey See, Money Do" syndrome. He just copies everything I do. He even switched my deodorant because he realized that ours were different. He uses my shampoo, my razors, my tweezers, hair brush, combs. He drinks the same juice, eats the same cereal, will eat the same food I'm eating. He will play the same game, download the same mobile apps, register on the same websites, use the same social media. He just has to do everything I do. I'm surprised that he hasn't made a dreamwidth account yet, but he does have a Live Journal account.

Now with "us" exercising he wants to take the lead and be in control of my training. I have always hated working out with him because he doesn't realize when he is wrong and if you try to tell him so, he snaps. He doesn't like taking criticism or guidance. He just does what he feels is best for him, despite it not being the best course of action. For example, he's trying to force me on a piece of exercise equipment that we obviously do not fit on. We are short people and the bike is too large, even if it's adjusted to the shortest setting. Another note to this, the bike isn't ours as we are using the home gym in our building. It belongs to the landlord who set it up for his specifications, which means that we shouldn't be messing around with the settings to begin with. Either way, I can't reach the pedals comfortably and he's trying to force me to pedal, although my back is at a weird angle and my legs aren't turning properly because I'm over extending them to reach a pedal. He sees nothing wrong with this. "Try harder"

Listen, if I could grow three inches more with no problem I would. It's not something he could do either and I don't complain about it.

I'm already working my way through the elliptical and trying to push myself to do more time each day. Even if I add in a minute a day to reach my goal of an hour of elliptical exercise. Plus I am tracking my steps and activity throughout the work day to reach a goal of 20,000 steps a day. This will include jogging as I get more accustomed to working out. In November I will be going to a gym with a friend and I don't want to be so out of shape on my first few trips there.

I need someone to support me and help me. Not tear me down and humiliate me.

Kinda lost my writing flow as I was just locked out of my phone. *eye rolls*

Anyways I've compiled a random list of the books I recently finished reading. That will be in my next post.

Performance

Sep. 18th, 2017 11:09 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
Today I captioned an interview with a woman who runs an after-school theater program and had a lot of feelings about "shyness" and public speaking. Theater is great. Music is great. Being in the pit orchestra for the school musical was hands down the best thing I did in high school. But the way some people talk about kids "coming out of their shells" rubs me the wrong way.

Read more... )

Japan reunion ^ 2

Sep. 18th, 2017 01:25 pm
dorchadas: (Cherry Blossoms)
[personal profile] dorchadas
[livejournal.com profile] melishus_b and her boyfriend came to visit us this weekend! And I've written about it in detail below.

detail, with pictures )

Next weekend we should see them again, since we'll be in Seattle for a wedding! Just like old times, at least for a brief moment.

First day

Sep. 17th, 2017 07:45 pm
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath
Grumpy that I've got no better recourse for finding the room my "Welcome Talk" will be in tomorrow morning than turning up early and hoping there's someone to ask.

Andrew offered to come with me to help me find it but that's not going to be easy for someone who woke up at three this afternoon; it's basically an accessibility issue for him too. And it costs money in bus fare. And it's just not fair because that shouldn't be his responsibility and I hate feeling dependent on him.

I booked my Disability Services meeting a month ago for as soon as I could get it, but that turns out to be Tuesday. I know this will be a busy and nightmarish time for them, but argh. Hopefully I will be a bit less confused for the rest of the week. There are a bunch of other rooms I have to find after these first ones tomorrow!

(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2017 10:40 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 All is well and I'm very tired even though I didn't really do anything today. I went grocery shopping and played computer games, that's it. Maybe I'll kick the cats out of the bedroom and actually sleep in tomorrow morning.

Plan

Sep. 16th, 2017 08:23 pm
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath
Google says the thing making my feet horrible is probably... eczema! "Often caused by stress." Well, that explains why it first arrived when my parents visited! (Yes I know that was a long time ago. It's been flaring up and then almost-going-away ever since and every time it goes away I think it'll stay away and at least I'm doing something about it now.)

Can't even really make a GP appointment until I have a better idea of what my schedule will be like. Nnnrgh.

Plus I already have a follow-up appointment about my new meds, a smear test, and my first meeting with the Disabled Students Office this week, which is quite enough Health Work to be getting on with right now.

By the end of the week I will definitely know my class schedule (since it starts the week after that!) and will be able to make an appointment about my horrible feet. So at least I have a plan.

(no subject)

Sep. 15th, 2017 10:04 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 I have a purring cat in my lap and a lot of good fiction in my life. I finished A Fisherman of the Inland Sea and really enjoyed it. It's cool to learn a little more about the "Hainish" setting. The titular story was amazing, and so was "Dancing to Ganam". 

Also Sparkly is sending me fic recommendations, and this updated so of course I'm having all the feelings in the world. Sparkly is still in Jacksonville and still doing well.
nanila: Your plastic pal who's fun to be with (star wars: k-2so)
[personal profile] nanila
[personal profile] emelbe and I set our alarms for 02:30 and 02:35 respectively, just to be sure we got up in time to walk over to Caltech for the end of mission. We dressed and poured coffee into ourselves, made sure we had our badges, and got out the door in plenty of time to arrive before 04:00, the official start of the event and NASA TV coverage.

20170915_115359
Walking up to Beckman Auditorium (aka the wedding cake) from the south.

As it happened. )
nanila: YAY (me: abby)
[personal profile] nanila
Thursday was meant to be a quiet day, since we all knew we had to be up and at Caltech by 4 AM for the thing we’d all been preparing for: the actual end of mission.

In reality, there were some impromptu science meetings at Caltech, one of which I attended in the morning. I slipped out just before noon, because I had someone to meet.

I headed down from Beckman to South Mudd to see my former JPL postdoctoral supervisor, from back in those heady days when I was still a lab scientist, for lunch. I hadn’t seen him since 2006. I eventually remembered where his Caltech office was. I could’ve found the JPL one much more easily, but it would have required me to check in and get a badge, which seemed a lot of faff for lunch. Besides, there are nicer places to eat in Pasadena. Once in the correct corridor, I spotted his technician hovering outside the door, plus another UK person from the physical chemistry community whom I’d never met but knows the bloke pretty well. There were lots of smiles and hugs, and we decided to head down to a restaurant over on Lake Street.

We had a very pleasant hour of conversation, reminiscing and catching up. I had a shock on hearing that their children, whom I remembered as children or young teenagers, were now grown up and had careers of their own. Of course I knew that would have happened in the intervening decade-plus, but it’s not until you actually speak together about these things that they’re driven home to you. They were equally shocked on learning that Humuhumu has started school - and has a younger sibling! The bloke and I had been remiss in our communication, clearly. We talked of science, of course, and of politics and its effects on research direction, and of our worries about the future due to Brexit and the current US administration.

I am still kicking myself for forgetting to take a photo. You must instead picture me with a group of men: one starting to disappear into the frailty of old age, peering out earnestly from large-framed glasses, one solid and grey-haired and mostly silent with twinkling blue eyes, and one cheeky-grinned middle-aged bear of a chap with a shock of brown hair and a beard. All sitting together in a booth of a Japanese restaurant, eagerly shoveling the contents of bento boxes into our faces, occasionally bursting into roars of laughter while cheesy ‘90s music played in the background.

We parted with promises not to let another eleven years pass before we met again. I was left with the warm glow you get from (re)connecting with friendly, kind, intelligent people. It was a lovely way to buffer against the excitement and strain of what was to come on Friday morning.

20170914_214801
Chilling out in my JPL t-shirt before the end of mission.

Cassini's grand finale

Sep. 15th, 2017 07:04 pm
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath



I wrote about Cassini when it got to Saturn, musing on what a long time it had been traveling. So much had happened to me; I'd gone from a high school freshman to living in a country I hadn't thought much about before.

And then I happened to notice Cassini's seventh anniversary at Saturn, and thought how quickly and how slowly the years were going by.

Time piles up so quickly in space, where seven years is nothing compared to the uncountable vastness of the universe. But one of the great things about spaceships is that they connect the universe to the humans: its twenty years now Cassini has been in space. And I don't even know how many years in development to get it that far. A good chunk of a person's working life could have been spent on this one little thing, anyway, that flew through space and burnt up today.
I've seen dramatic words about Cassini "plunging to its death" and some twee cartoons about how it's going home because Saturn is its home, but all I'm interested in is how much we love this little spaceship. We've made it a person, we've given it a lot of time and attention. We've followed it on twitter. My phone's background pictures aren't of my partners or even my dog; they're ones taken by Cassini. (This one and this one, in case you're interested.) Of course we'll miss it now it's gone.
Here's a video with lots of pictures and nice music.

TRON fanfic: The Outpost (8/?)

Sep. 15th, 2017 12:32 pm
skye_writer: Cropped cap of Tron in the film TRON: Legacy. (legacy tron)
[personal profile] skye_writer
Title: The Outpost
Author: [personal profile] skye_writer
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Tron, Original Characters, Sam Flynn, Ed Dillinger, Jr.
Summary: No one knew where the virus came from. By the time they noticed it, it was too late. The Grid's factions put their differences aside and built a haven in the Outlands--the Outpost. Time passes; the Grid's programs survive. Then the Portal opens again, bringing Users back to the Grid, and what happens next may change their world forever.
Warnings: No warnings for this chapter.
Author's Note: This marks the end of Part One of this fic. Given that I need time to edit and polish Part Two and that the fic itself is at this time incomplete, Part Two will begin posting either in December 2017 or January 2018. I know this is a terribly long time between updates, but better, I think, to wait only months rather than waiting years.

Read more... )

TRON fanfic: The Outpost (7/?)

Sep. 15th, 2017 08:02 am
skye_writer: Cropped cap of Clu from TRON: Legacy on a lightcycle, disc out. (lightcycle clu)
[personal profile] skye_writer
Title: The Outpost
Author: [personal profile] skye_writer
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Tron, Original Characters
Summary: No one knew where the virus came from. By the time they noticed it, it was too late. The Grid's factions put their differences aside and built a haven in the Outlands--the Outpost. Time passes; the Grid's programs survive. Then the Portal opens again, bringing Users back to the Grid, and what happens next may change their world forever.
Warnings: Death of minor unnamed character.

Read more... )

Haptics and other awesomeness

Sep. 15th, 2017 07:14 am
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath
I said I'd try to get around to writing up some details of the museum thing before I forget them all, and I've got a little bit of time and energy before my day starts getting hectic, so!

This is very long. )

Everyday stuff

Sep. 14th, 2017 11:05 pm
buttonsbeadslace: drawing of a high-heeled boot (Default)
[personal profile] buttonsbeadslace
 Sparkly is busy but doing well. The only news I got from em today is that part of eir group got split off and sent to Miami instead. 

I've started looking at apartments again. There are plenty of good prospects, but I need to talk to Sparkly in detail about exactly how much we can afford, because I don't know exactly what some of eir expenses are.

Tomorrow's to-dos include taking out the trash and actually getting more toilet paper.

Game Review: The Shivah

Sep. 14th, 2017 05:49 pm
dorchadas: (Not he who tells it)
[personal profile] dorchadas
Why do bad things happen to good people? What purpose does suffering serve? Is there some greater end, some trial through which G-d is putting us with the ultimate goal of tempering us, like steel hammered out on the forge? Or is it just a part of life that we have to learn to deal with, and maintain our own composure and avoid temptation while doing so? Does G-d understand the compromises that we have to make to exist in the imperfect world, or does He gaze sternly upon us and demand better?

And if you think there's a lot of questions in the preceeding paragraph, you should see some of the dialogue in this game.

The Shivah is the first commercial game by Dave Gilbert, of Wadjet Eye fame, though I wouldn't have guessed that just from playing it. That's partially because this is the "Kosher Edition," with voice acting and revamped graphics, but also because it's polished and very well designed without a lot of the pitfalls that adventure games usually fall into. I felt more like an investigator during the Shivah than I ever did during Gabriel Knight, and without any of the latter game's sleaziness. The Shivah is grounded, which is its greatest strength.

The Shivah detective rabbi
Adventure games.

Read more... )

(no subject)

Sep. 14th, 2017 05:06 pm
ikneko: (Default)
[personal profile] ikneko
I'm feeling depressed and angry.

I know it's from work but i'm tired of begging and trying to manipulate everyone for more to do.

I'm just bored.
nanila: fulla starz (lolcat: science)
[personal profile] nanila
On Wednesday morning, [personal profile] emelbe and I saddled up and drove over to the Jet Propulsion Lab for a tour. We put her trusty sat nav on, and I noticed that instead of a car, the little icon was an x-wing. She turned the audio on. “Driven well you have,” said Yoda. “In a quarter of a mile, turn left. It is your destiny.”

It was decided that it was fitting for Yoda to be allowed to direct us to JPL.

20170913_171945
JPL tour badge with Curiosity on the front. We got to keep these.

Tour, with side trips down memory lane )